New source of stress

Roommates during the pre-exam period.

I find it almost unbearable. They freak out before exams and it just affects me. I couldn’t sleep last night because Emile was arguing about physics with Yingxu, and although they are considerate people and were already talking very softly, I just couldn’t tune out. I could have gone mad. It was precisely because I had no reason to get angry, and yet I WAS getting angry, that made me extremely frustrated. Frustrated because other people can probably fall alseep in the same conditions.

Imagine you’re trying to prepare yourself before the exam, trying to keep calm, and there’s this constant moaning in your ears…”i’m gonna die”…”i can’t finish studying”…”what to do”…”i hope i don’t wake up tomorrow”….AHH!!!! And I’m not talking about negative voices in your head, but real, audible ones. How are you supposed to ignore them?

It’s different if you meet people like that for a few hours. You talk to them, try to calm them down, and then you can go home and recover from hearing all the moans. But now, it’s 24-7.

 It’s so hard. That’s probably one of the biggest downsides of living in a 4 bedder room. It’s just so hard. So hard.

No wonder I like being alone and watching the trees during exams.

-.-

 

Regurgitation

Today in econs lecture it suddenly struck me how thick my econs notes were.

In 8 months, I have only been given 4 sets of notes. 0.5cm thick in total! =D I wonder what I learn in economics. Bwahahahaha. Now you know why it’s my favourite subject. Unfortunately, it’s also my worst subject.

I’ve been trained in regurgitation all my life. It’s the quickest and most efficient method, really. At least for rigid exams. I read the question and I immediately picture the marking scheme in my head. I know what the examiners want.
But. it. doesn’t. work. anymore. for. econs. No. easy. way. out. Well actually if you do enough essays you can still vommit everything out. But I only read my 0.5cm notes you see. =D
I’m really weak at evaluating and analyzing. You can see how good a person is at evaluation when you throw a whole new scenario at him, not some modified version of old questions. If it’s something similiar, he can just copy someone else’s evaluation without racking his brains.

By the way, you know what’s the best thing someone from the Romantic period will tell you?

Idleness is the ideal of genius.

I, will tell you that too.

No lah I’m kidding. Exams in 2 weeks time. I must get a C average in order to retain my scholarship.

Off to do my written report.

p/s: my parents and JN are coming this weekend!!! Yay….finally they will get to see where I stay. But it’s only because JN has something on in JB. Cheh. Or else they will never come. Haha.

The sick enjoy telling stories.=)

I’m sick. I think it’s the first time I’ve fallen ill this year, and I don’t like it.

You see, after I came back from camp, I went out to have dinner with Chuin Ying (YAY!!). And then I met Wei Liang. I woke up at 5 the next day to catch a flight home, and I went out again that night to celebrate Meng Chia and Hong Wei’s birthday. The next day I went for Dim Sum with my grandparents. I’m facing the consequences of bad food and a lack of sleep. Gah.

But there is one thing I’m very happy about. The Angry Eugene Yow is finally talking to me, in sentences!! I’m so glad he has decided to end the cold war. I’m also shocked that he is currently very interested in the bass guitar! At least he is interested in something at last. I imagine it must be difficult for him growing up in my shadow, always being compared to me, and never being able to meet the standards I have set. *evil laugh* Actually, I missed talking and fighting with him a lot in the past year. =P I hope one day he will come to discover that God is real, personal and good, because he hasn’t.
My relationship with mum and dad has also eemprooved greatly!  The last mothers’ day, I can still remember thinking to myself that there is nothing good to say about mama. Nothing. But I was encouraged to honour my mum and dad, so I bought her a gift and wrote her to tell her that I wanted to honour her although I couldn’t appreciate her yet. I am amazed how God has just turned my heart around, and slowly, I am opening up to share more and more things with her. I am beginning to see all the good she has done for me! I used to painstakingly cover all tracks of problems in my life from her, thinking that she would never be able to help me, but I am changing. Mum tells me I am changing.=) While I used to be so secretive about friends and activities, I am more open now. And really, they are good parents! Just imperfect, like everyone else. I am grateful that God has pieced this relationship back.

Kong kong (my grandpa) is also happier now! Not as angry about life as before. He thinks my aunt did a good job helping me to get out of depression, and he is glad. I think he is beginning to accept that God is a good God!

Ok lah, I think it is time to get back to graphs and differential equations and everything nice.