General Paper

It went very well and I am very pleased with myself. I have always enjoyed doing the paper anyway, it’s just like blogging. Only there are more restrictions:

Must have thesis statement, must structure, must have balance–cannot be opinionated (and I am opinionated!!), everything is in shades of grey, don’t take an extreme stand unless you can substantiate very well. Must appear sophisticated. If not they think you are too simple minded, cannot think. BAH. ”I am inclined to agree” is better than “I agree”, says my teacher.

I think all of this is bull la, to be honest. But I follow the guidelines for the sake of marks. I haven’t always gotten good marks despite thinking I wrote well enough.

Of course, I’m not a very analytical person (which is why I’m a good speaker not a good debater but luckily not too many people are clever enough to realize that haha). And it’s easy to misintepret GP questions or address the wrong issue. My essay range is also limited and I write a lot of fluff without good arguments. ;P

Today I chose this essay question: Can a belief of the supernatural be sustained in our modern world?

At first I thought, I’ll write about religion, then about ghosts, then superstitions. Then I realized, eih, the question is actually about whether it can be sustained, and why/how. In the modern world. I learnt something from 2 years of boring GP classes after all.

Roughly, I wrote about desperation that drives people to believe all sorts of ideas, facts (miracle rallies), and popular culture (Harry Potter and witchcraft), injecting opposite views in between my own. And a bit about my condition to cheat some sympathy out of the examiner. Heh.

Anyway, whether my essay is good or not, I think it will delight the reader. I dunno. I just know it will. I bring delight to the world. Lol. =D

Dear God

Last night, I was suffering. I was so lonely, I couldn’t read, couldn’t sleep, and there was no breeze so I couldn’t enjoy your nature.

So I asked you, please please please, if you really are listening, send someone to call me tonight. Coz every night I have to scroll up and down my phonebook, and every 10 numbers I dial only 1 will pick up. I don’t even get to pick the better listeners lorr. And I have exceeded my 80 mins per month by a lot. (Thank you in advance to jiu jiu for paying. Hope you don’t scold me. Coz everytime he will call and remind me not to exceed 80 mins.)

And then I scoffed at my request la. What if you no one calls me. What does that mean.

But someone (and only one) really did call me! And it was another one of my best listeners: my counsellor from C.O.O.S.! She talked to me for 20 mins, just to see how I was doing.

When I was tutoring my selectively mute girl, I was told not to give out my handphone number so that I am not burdened during the week. But my counsellors tell me I can call them anytime I want.

How…different.

So God, you really do listen, hmm? Or maybe Theresa just happened to call. It wasn’t really an answered prayer or anything. Just a coincidence. Whatever la.

I can’t believe you don’t expect anything out of me, you just love me like that.

I can’t. I don’t. I don’t want to, maybe. I dunno.

Your word says your compassion never fails, your mercies are new every morning.

But it’s not real to me. Where is your love, God? I can’t feel it.

God…God…God…help me quit every form of striving to reach you.

Sometimes I don’t even know where you are.

JASMINE STOP WRITING. YOUR GP PAPER IS IN AN HOUR.

Waitwaitwait.

God, if I purposely don’t study, if I purposely fail my exam, will you still love me?

I’m quitting swimming.

Soli, I write too hiong already, 5 posts in one day. But bo pian. I am very 辛苦. And I can be very aggressive in doing things. Too bad if people don’t have time or patience to read. Dun care liao.

Anyway, I’ve developed the habit of going for long swims. I especially like it when I’m the only person in the pool. Gives me time to reflect, work out my anger, or just pass time which would otherwise be unbearable.

Yesterday while swimming, it occured to me that God was smiling down on me. I laughed in the pool and nearly gulped down a mouthful of chlorine water.

Walau!! I decided it’s too dangerous to swim anymore. =)

Actually there’s another reason. I’m going to have a new roommate dammit. >_< So I have no more space to do extra laundry in the room.

And my hair is badly damaged.

Sighs. I will miss all my privileges at Hwa Chong. Running track with stairs for me to do stair exercises…gym…pool…free breakfast and dinner…laundry service…Next time want to swim in Alor Star have to go to the dirty and crowded ASRC pool, and have to pay somemore. AND have to drive there.

Whatever. 20 days more. I already 准备好回家. Bought ticket liao.