I really don’t like kiasu people.

Because they remind me of myself. Ouch.

Oh I struggle. Life is a continuous struggle.Twenty four seven. 24/7=3.428571428571…It’s a repeating non-terminating decimal! Going on and on.

[This post is going to be somewhat like that too. But don’t worry, this time I’m not whining.]

I struggle with my attitude everyday. I take comfort in others’ failures—in homework and in tests. I am secretly pleased when I see my roommates watching anime instead of studying. And, I am extremely displeased when you can understand physics and I cannot.

Despicable, shameful attitudes. That’s why I need forgiveness. And I need to renounce these attitudes every day.

I struggle with my eating habits too. (Actually eating junk is the most natural thing to do when you’re tired and feel like stoning but you can’t bear to be unproductive.) I always try to discipline myself, only to fail again. In fact I don’t believe I’ll ever succeed. I’m still trying.

And then I struggle to be diligent. I look back and wonder how I managed to be so driven by work, and I realise, unfortunately, I worked hard merely because success fed my ego. That’s what kept me going…until I crashed. You know, after winning trophy after trophy you suddenly realise…it can never really bring purpose and satisfaction. Believe me, no success (not that I have great successes) is ever going to be eternally fulfilling. Now, without that drive, I am hardly a hardworking person. But God commands us to be faithful and diligent, so I have to learn that with the correct motives, in a new light.

(Oh no!! Physics test tomorrow.)

I also struggle with indifference towards people. I need to ask God to fill me with His love and grace daily…to see others through His eyes, not mine. I remind myself to invest in building relationships, to be sensitive to needs around me. To place others above myself. (Oh this is SO not me.)

I struggled through depression last year, trying to get everything under my control. I just couldn’t. But now I know I can struggle differently. Not by my strength, but His. You know, it’s not that I have become more religious or that I’m trying to propagate religion, but I have discovered for myself that He is the only answer for me.

Heb 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

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