Oi, just because I don’t blog for 2 weeks doesn’t mean I’m dead la.

I’ve just been overwhelmed by the system all over again. When adults tell you JC2 was the toughest year of their lives, you know it means something. The pressure is on: build your portfolio, do as many things as you can to package yourself as a well-rounded individual and wake up to the harshly competitive reality. And I find it strange that teachers actually tell you that explicitly. Of course, it’s really up to you how you want to live your life. But some days I just feel like crumbling because of stress and confusion and frustration. Some days it’s suffocation. Some days I end up calling my mama…and weeping.

But weeping is actually one of the best things that has happened. To hear mum say that I am precious, special and beautiful, a thousand times over, is just so comforting. It speaks to the core of my heart. I’m realizing the truth for the first time in many many years. I am precious. I am beautiful. Wow.

Anyway, in case you think I have been pulled into the black hole of misery, erm..not yet lah. Yes, my roommate was hospitalized due to depression, but I’m still okay.

I like my new teachers. I like my new GP class. I love my classmates…Jing Ying and Ying Xuan and Shin Yen and Becky. The people who appreciate my humour and hear me moan.

I love talking to people like Shuming and Xiangfei and Timothy as well. They make me relax. I was talking to Shuming in the library and he showed me his Academic Targeting Contract. I couldn’t help laughing. His target for common test is all Es. He is a soccer player. In Singapore, all sports ccas train very hard. They push themselves to the limit. Malaysia..how to compare.

He told me not to quit my H3 math programme. I actually listened to him.

And I’ve been reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. It’s the most beautiful book I have ever read.

Actually for the most part of this month I just feel like I’m in a mess. BUT the PE teacher weighed us last week and to my amazement I am 56kg now!! I was at least 61 in the middle of last year due to my destructive eating habits. But I am learning to de-stress in other ways. So congratulate me. And wish me success in maintaining this weight, at least. The food addiction still fights fiercely with me.

The most important part of this post: My birthday is on the 7th of February. Start preparing my present okay. =) Yay.