Do you know why I wanted to stop writing for 6 months?
I thought it was getting very self-centred, it encouraged me to think about my thoughts and feelings all the time, and it was some sort of show-off.
I wrote so much secretly that at one point I seriously considered publishing a book. I went to find out about the publishing process in Singapore…and then realized haha, it’s too much effort for now. =)
I wish I can tell you about my experience at the restaurant. It was so fun learning to cook there, being able to handle the whole place on my own. Initially it was to pay for dance classes but I didn’t go through with it. Nevermind liao la write so much for what haha.
Anyway, before I go back, I want to thank my mother again.
My mum has sowed a great deal into our lives. I gain more understanding as the days go by. I see now, why she was/is so concerned about our academic performance–it was so vital to her survival when she was younger, when they had no car, no TV, not even a fan at home. Education was the only way out of their poverty. No wonder she feels deep disappointment when we fail to achieve–she worries that we will not have a happy life.
I have never met a person as diligent as my mum. Even when she is frustrated and disappointed, even when she loses hope, she is there, toiling, day in day out. Sometimes, friend-to-friend, my mum tells me how she just feels like quitting being a mother. A bundle of weird children–one with struggles she can’t understand, one angry stubborn son, and one young sly sloth. She looks at other mothers and wonders how come they can get their act together and she can’t. She doesn’t get to hang out with friends, maybe she doesn’t even have any. She says making ends meet itself is already a challenge. And then I see, yes, she loves us all, very, very deeply.
And my dad falls dead every night when he comes home from work. Another very very diligent man. Our bulwark of strength and steadiness. (By the way all you fashion watchers dad says purple will be the in colour next year. He has to buy stock one year in advance. Eh maybe the colour only applies to Alor Star.)
I love the way our lives are. Turbulent. But good. I like to think of them as Mr. and Mrs. Incredible. And I’m Violet. The shy Violet who eventually blossoms. 🙂 My brother is Dash. My sister is baby jack jack but unfortunately the sex is wrong.
I’m sorry my writing is choppy. My mum’s student is hammering noisily on the piano and it’s making me giddy.
Bit of good news: I can engage in intellectual activities already. I’m ready to try to get back to studying.
And thank you to the people who were there for me, and still are. Those that just hung out with me. Those that made me laugh. Those that left me alone when I asked them to. Those that talked to me when I needed an ear. Most of all, those that talked to me even when I didn’t want to hear their truths. Thank you. Thank you.