Last night, I was suffering. I was so lonely, I couldn’t read, couldn’t sleep, and there was no breeze so I couldn’t enjoy your nature.

So I asked you, please please please, if you really are listening, send someone to call me tonight. Coz every night I have to scroll up and down my phonebook, and every 10 numbers I dial only 1 will pick up. I don’t even get to pick the better listeners lorr. And I have exceeded my 80 mins per month by a lot. (Thank you in advance to jiu jiu for paying. Hope you don’t scold me. Coz everytime he will call and remind me not to exceed 80 mins.)

And then I scoffed at my request la. What if you no one calls me. What does that mean.

But someone (and only one) really did call me! And it was another one of my best listeners: my counsellor from C.O.O.S.! She talked to me for 20 mins, just to see how I was doing.

When I was tutoring my selectively mute girl, I was told not to give out my handphone number so that I am not burdened during the week. But my counsellors tell me I can call them anytime I want.

How…different.

So God, you really do listen, hmm? Or maybe Theresa just happened to call. It wasn’t really an answered prayer or anything. Just a coincidence. Whatever la.

I can’t believe you don’t expect anything out of me, you just love me like that.

I can’t. I don’t. I don’t want to, maybe. I dunno.

Your word says your compassion never fails, your mercies are new every morning.

But it’s not real to me. Where is your love, God? I can’t feel it.

God…God…God…help me quit every form of striving to reach you.

Sometimes I don’t even know where you are.

JASMINE STOP WRITING. YOUR GP PAPER IS IN AN HOUR.

Waitwaitwait.

God, if I purposely don’t study, if I purposely fail my exam, will you still love me?