A few weeks ago I was reading something by Sewlyn Hughes. In his opinion, most (not all) psychological illnesses are partly caused by our own sin. I wanted to shake my fists at him and ask, what freakin crime have I commited to deserve this?!
Unfortunately, he has passed away. My sessions at Church of our Saviour helped me remember.
As a little girl, I made a personal vow that I would do whatever it takes to prevent people from scolding me or finding fault with me.
If you thought I was incapable of something, I would go all out to prove otherwise. 以为我是千金小姐不能参加制服团体吗？我还当了领袖. I guess it pushed me beyond safe limits…to this cyclothymic state.
Then the counsellor told me something….strange. She said God is rejoicing and dancing over me…because of who I am, not because of the good I have done.
This statement is really as incomprehensible to me as the Schrodinger Equation–the opposite has been firmly planted in my heart.
But God said he came to set the captives free. I ask him to help me believe that. I long for him to uproot every warped belief, and help me replace it with his truth…that sets me free.
The creator rejoices in his creation regardless of imperfections…what a beautiful thought.
On another note! You lazy bums out there, I don’t think you were made to bask in the sun all day as well. 😉