I cried when I watched Innocent Steps. At the kind of love that was portrayed between the couple.

I want that too. I am desperate, crying out for love. How come people in movies always find true love? How about us?

God, I’ve heard that your love is unconditional, eternal. I’ve read it in the bible. Maybe at different times of my life I’ve even felt a bit of it.

But now I have no idea what your love means, how your love feels like.

My aunt says I have to renew my mind by reading your word. That sounds really tiring. I mean, I know Romans 8:38-39 says “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ”

But the words don’t mean much to me. I beg you, please make that real to my heart, help me understand the depth and height of your love.

I guess you “showed” your love by dying on the cross, but I’m sorry I don’t really get it. That is probably very insulting, but I honestly don’t.

Please.

It would be sad, God, if your love was just another fairy tale. Well…I guess I’m writing this because I know you listen, or you read. But as I said, I am aching.

Strangely, I am smiling too. I am healing.