It was nostalgic to sing Negaraku again. I felt immensely proud to hear our band play it so grandly. No offense, but NJC’s band needs to buck up. =)

It was also nostalgic to sing Keat Hwa’s school song, a song I’ve needed to sing for 10 years. Now, 2 years later, I have forgotten some of the lyrics.

I stayed back to train my St. John juniors this afternoon. Just watching them run and do their push-ups almost moved me to tears. They looked tired to me. I did 50 sit-ups with them, because they were odd-numbered when one of them had a nose bleed. The feeling of 20 people training hard on the dusty ground…you need to experience it to know it.

That was my life 5 years back. In retrospect, I should’ve listened to my parents. There was no need to devote so much time to a stupid first-aid competition. There was no need to spend late nights studying my first aid manual before carelessly finishing up my school work, no need to put so much heart into preparing our uniforms and headgears.

We won a big trophy…I won a big national trophy…at the expense of my own well being. I developed my eating disorder.

I don’t know.

I used to be a strict trainer. But these days I care even more about not pushing people beyond their limits. I sat the Ambulance Adult team down today because one of their members was shivering. I told them it was OK to rest for a while.

They began telling that they were all very stressed, on the verge of breaking down. I know it’s an overused excuse but when Jasmine says it, I think it can count for something, no?

I just…

I don’t want them to be like me.

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