At this moment of writing, I am sitting on a tree. I am missing home like crazy. It’s not the semi-detached building in Alor Setar, or worse , my shabby, dog-poo smelling Mentari room that I miss (hmm I actually miss that room a little), but the waking up every morning to something.
OK obviously I am not sitting on a tree. That was a gleeful moment on Sunday: we had church in the park because it was Anzac Day and we couldn’t rent our usual building.
My emotional wires must’ve been wrongly connected somewhere, because strangely, whenever I close my eyes and think of those somethings I miss, it doesn’t make me want to go home. I keep telling my parents I don’t want to go home in summer. I love it whenever I see their faces appear on my screen and they say, gently, come back lah, this year. But I don’t want to, I don’t want to…unless I’m hospitalized for homesickness by then. A few thousand dollarssssss. And then what? A few weeks and I’m back here again. I should just finish up here and then go back for good you know? I really wanna go back, I do. People tell me I will change my mind, but I just know I need to go back. The pull is so strong. It’s something you can’t explain properly. I feel that’s the place I need to contribute, I want to contribute. I want to pour all of myself in. And I’m just here in Adelaide now to suck up everything I can to be in a better position to do exactly that.
Ahh…home. Those somethings.
Once, I was studying in the computer pools and I hopped over to http://www.eaglepoint.org.my/, and it was like drinking the best hot chocolate ever. TV and radio can never hold my attention for a long time, but that night I listened to an entire podcast. Hearing the familiar voices I soooo love, the less than perfect pronunciation and endearing intonation, I almost thought I was right….there. I just closed my eyes…and received.
And the other time Nick was online during SNL, and he ran a running commentary for me the whole night through MSN.
And yesterday my aunt called me a dancing princess. That just reads looooooooooooooove to me!
Haha yes please forgive me for romanticising everything.
But that something back home? That knowing that everyone back home is doing well, is dreaming on, is working hard, is growing strong…it is a firefly I need to capture and put in a little jar.
And maybe when I go back I will be disappointed to find my romantic images broken…to find that people have moved on with life, and good friends aren’t so familiar anymore, but what the heck, it’s HOME.