When I ripped open this letter today, I was just so overcome by a dizzying wave of thankfulness.
Not that I care much for the Golden Key, but to do well again carries special meaning:
And I know that I am seeing his promises come to pass because I chose to believe.
It depends how big a deal academic achievement is to you – I only care for what I can think will be applicable in real life these days, but the Golden Key International Honour Society invite means a lot simply because of how far I’ve come since three years ago. I’ve placed within the top 15% of UniSA’s Journalism Program.
The Jasmine Yow who began university in Malaysia in August 2008, determined simply to do the bare minimum, who was SO terrified of exams after my Singapore failure I picked a course with no exams, who was SO worried I wouldn’t be able to cope I started assignments way ahead of time and hung out as little as possible, would never, ever, in the whole wide world dream of getting a Golden Key invite.
You must understand how demoralized I was in early 2008 in order to get the significance of this melodramatic (lol) moment – the sheer terror of picking up a magazine and simply not being able to register anything back then, the 12-14 hour sleep patterns amidst the numbness and confusion of which I led my days, and the lack of faith my parents had in my ability to cope with uni had left me in a State of No Dreams.
My heart’s cry back then was to lead a Small Life, play it safe, and have as few friends as possible because Living Big had totally destroyed and defeated me. It hurt all the more because I had really tried my utmost, utmost best to Live Big! For the life of me I just couldn’t understand why I got myself, and why God allowed me to get into such a huge entangled mess :(! It had become too painful to keep trying I just withdrew.
So when I ripped open the letter today, I shook my head. I knew this could not have come from me. Sure I am intelligent, hardworking, and a fast learner (old habits die hard after all), but I have learnt that the secret to success isn’t in those things.
Andy says, sometimes God comes along and says, yep, you’re ready for a spiritual promotion.
This is a bit like that. This is God telling me:
Yep! You’ve learnt to trust me when you don’t do well! Good for you! You’ve learnt to put me first a bit more. Well done my faithful servant! A level of that pride that offends me so much – the one that keeps thinking all your natural talent and achievements are credited to your hard work – has been stripped down, so now we can partayyy! We can pop some corks (in Aussie), or go eat all your favourite mamak food (in Malaysia)! We can dance all night!
Haha! And so, today, I see God making good on the promises he sent people to tell me in my first year of uni. He promised I would excel academically, a promise I could only receive and ask at that time, err, how good is good, God? Do you mean average? Above average? Reasonably good?
Despite my lack of any special effort, despite the Credits and Passes (Chris said I got in either because my classmates are really stupid or my course is really hard, LOL SILLY CHRIS – my classmates are not stupid OK and neither is my course super hard), God. Honoured. Me.
And I know and I know and I know that I will not go wrong if I keep following him. I see so many of my friends so worried about permanent residency, and jobs, and their future, and I tell them, you’ve gotta look to a better place! You won’t find security in those things because those things can be taken away anytime! And you can never be satisfied because you can never be ‘successful enough’ or ‘rich enough’ in this world!
When you let the desire to do God’s will for your life overtake all your other desires, your worries will fade. You know why? Because you will not worry about selfish things, about whether you have a house to live in or food to eat. You can process everything logically, and yet still know in faith that God will provide.
That knowing does not come easy. It only comes through drawing near to God with an honest and unreligious heart.