I’ve just been thinking how to teach people how to connect with God and how to pray. It’s not something that can be easily taught or learnt. Most of the time we learn through trial and error. So here’s my experience:
I still remember that day. I was in the car with my Ee Ee Cathryn. It was dismal. We had just learnt about repentance, about turning 180 degrees around.
I told her I have no desire whatsoever to follow God. I have no desire whatsoever to change the way I’m living. It feels horrible because I know I’m ‘supposed’ to, but I don’t know how and I can’t.
And it was dismal because I knew how good it felt to follow and serve God with all my heart (at whatever level I’m at) because that was what I had been doing my whole life, in all the imperfect ways I knew how to. And all of a sudden I lost All. Of. It. It was no longer real to me. I was a dead heart.
She told me to pray this:
"God I have no desire to change, but I want to have that desire. Can you please cultivate that desire in me." Honest and unpretentious.
Sometimes I look back at my emails sent in 2008/2009 and I can SEE the changes…and how starkly different I am today.
So today, wherever you are at – just come to God honestly. He hears the sinner’s prayer. A sinner who knows he is a sinner comes to God humbly, honestly, without any pretense, and with an awareness that he is coming to God to ask for grace. A sinner is not demanding and not trying to prove anything because he knows he deserves punishment.
The times I become grumpy and bitter — what my friend Tiffany likes to call the ‘black bobo’ — are the times when I fail to see I am a sinner, I start to think I deserve better treatment, more respect, more this, more that… and as a result I lose all grace!
Oh how good it would be to see myself as a sinner more clearly and more often. 🙂