I’m reading Sweet Sentence by Larry Buttrose. It’s been ages since I’ve had time to read something lyrical, beautiful. Something that’s not hard news. Even news is just flying over my head when I read it these days. The budget analysis, the asylum seeker deal with Malaysia, the usual. I’m not really understanding much of it, just trying and not really succeeding in being informed. It is starting to bore me a little. Maybe people argue about the same things all over the world.
I’m probably forcing it too hard. I don’t know.
My language feels like it’s suffering. Just churning out news stories like a machine, lifting copy, concentrating all my secret powers on getting that shorthand down pat, all really devoid of emotion.
Sometimes I suspect I’m made for a creative field. I thrive on the creative, on surprises. How paradoxical because I can work like a heartless machine.
If I had to draw myself right now, I’m a tank draining out. I have really just not been in the best of states. Having it tough, especially emotionally.
But you know what, I can give thanks! I am training my mind to give thanks for all the good things in my life every day. I want to have a healthy thought life. I want to keep improving at it. I am only 22 – and Andy really put it into perspective for me when he said HE has not seen the Big Challenges of life yet — and that’s coming from a 35-year old who nearly lost his leg in a car accident.
He wants to last. He wants to serve God for the long haul. I want to, as well. And right now, where I’m at, I know I’m not going to last. I’m going to be swept away by a busy career, by the demands of family, by bills, by the mortgage, by ministry that feels too challenging and too hard..and just fade away. But I don’t want that to be me.
I want to build myself up, train myself. I want to be humble enough to accept that my perceptions are faulty a lot of times – and I want to be quick to change. I want to let people teach me, help me. I am learning, and that feels awesome, because I know I am doing the right thing.
I get stronger with every right choice I make.
Are you training yourself up too? 😉