I was trawling my email archives for some iPad information my dad sent me and uncovered an old well of pain I’d already forgotten.
I was a bit embarrassed and shocked at my angry response in capital letters (see below) – could I really have said those things?
But mostly, I was just really overwhelmed by the unbroken thread of love running throughout the string of emails my dad and mum sent. Their love must have a deeper Source.
Here’s a few largely unedited emails:
This morning, Uncle Jimmy (David James) Lee came up and gave a personal testimony of his grand-daughter’s fight against brain tumour. Christina is only 3 years old and she was struck with brain tumour. His countenance was different when he shared of his struggle spiritually as well as emotionally. Later after having finished his testimony, he and Aunty Susan sang a song of faith. While listening to his song, I was touched by the fact we shared the common life struggle. He, as a grandfather, sang with pains and sorrows. I felt his love for his grand-daughter. Now, I understand fully why Popo (grandmother) immediately decided to take all the trouble to visit you. She wants to be a part of your experience. Her family survived four cases of depressive attacks. Her own father was able to overcome his illness due to quick medical treatment. Two others did not recover from the attack.
Popo with her 70 year-old frame, prompted by her love towards her grand-daughter just like Uncle Jimmy, trying to whatever possible to show her love towards you. Please open to her even though you may not agree with her ways of communication. She loves you so much.
There is always hope in God.
Please take care.
Pa on 14 Sept 2007
Good morning Girl,
Popo has already landed in Singapore on Thursday morning. She hesitated to visit you after I informed her you did not want to see her. Jaz, it is normal for you to behave this way. I have seen these behaviours many times whenever there were negative news. First, it was upright denial. Then, it was self-pity saying why me. After that, it was a resolve of either fighting back or giving up. The vital decision is here. A willingness to try improve the situation is the beginning of new hope and new life. I trust you’ll embrace hope and life through Christ who loves and strengthen you.
Unless you go for the medical test, you will never be able to confirm or disprove the hypothesis and diagnosis. Popo is there for you. Her many years of experience dealing with her own family members may prove vital during the consultation. It is nothing to be ashamed of if one is proven to be biological deficient of some chemicals in the body. The importance and difference is the decision and remedy actions taken to overcome the situation. In Christ and through Christ eventually we’ll receive our rightful God given image, identity, worth and dignity. Through that process of self-discovery and connection with God’s eternal inheritance, through life-long learning and maturity, you’ll become a positive force in the Kingdom of God. Despite our weaknesses and short-comings, if we can do away our self-pity and self-doubt, we can still make a difference in life, at least to the small circle of people we encounter.
Uncle Jimmy’s heart pains and brokenness still carries the Godly influence that touches lives during his testimony. While listening to his sharing, I was and still am thinking of you. Let us carry on the fight together to overcome whatever challenges lie ahead.
Love you very much.
God Bless You.
Pa on 15 Sept 2007
YOU ALL DID NOT LISTEN. I SAID I AM COMING BACK. I CAN GO SEE DR. DOREEN FOR THE TEST. IF I SEE A DOCTOR HERE I MUST CONTINUE SEEING THE DOCTOR HERE–MEDICATION NEEDS TO BE TWEAKED ACCORDING TO IT’S EFFECTS OBSERVED BY THE DOCTOR AND THEN I HAVE TO ROT HERE FOR ANOTHER MONTH AND I CAN’T COME BACK!!!!!!!!
CAN YOU NOT MAKE MY DECISIONS FOR ME.
BY SENDING POH POH DOWN, YOU ARE JUST BLOWING UP THE PROBLEM. THE FEWER PEOPLE INVOLVED, THE BETTER. NOW THE WHOLE OF JIU JIU’S FAMILY HAS TO BE INVOLVED.
DON’T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT ASKING ME FIRST MAN.
YOU THINK I LIVE IN DENIAL HUH? I TAKE STEPS TO DEAL WITH THE PROBLEM, MAN. MUMMY WANTED ME TO SEE THE COUNSELLOR, FINE. I WENT ONLINE FOUND THE CONTACTS AND MADE THE APPOINTMENT, OKAY. I’VE BEEN TALKING TO THE SCHOOL COUNSELLOR. WE’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT OPTIONS.
SO, YOU WANT TO HELP? YOU BLOODY CALL ME AND TALK TO ME FIRST. YOU CALL ME. YOU ASK ME HOW I AM. DON’T SPRING A SURPRISE ON ME AND HAUL IN BUSYBODIES.
Jasmine on 15 Sept 2007
Jaz, I know you are upset by the fact that a lot unexpected things happening around you. As a father, I can absorb your anger and your CAPITAL LETTERS. The point here is Popo is not sent by us. She made her own decision after she learnt of Uncle Kuang’s email. That triggered her to come. Please do not negate her love and concern for you.
Secondly, you may wish to make your own decisions but we need to stay in the counsels of many people to think of the best solution.
Well, I think we wait until you are back.
Still love you no matter how.
Pa on 15 Sept 2007