A rainy night, on my new egg-shaped chair. It envelopes me. I breathe out, deep and slow.
My often-greyish dusty view of life is gently prodded into perspective. Tilt the viewfinder a few degrees to the right – now its better, centred.
He holds me in the palm of His hands. Now, what a thought. Oh, if only I thought these thoughts more often…instead of focusing on anxieties, pressures, demands (the result: they escalate!) and human impossibilities. I seem to be intent of finishing future to-do-lists even before they are written out.
What a year it has been. I catch myself thinking that in quiet moments. I have had so much to be thankful for…overwhelmed by grace.
I feel silly telling this to no one in particular – blogging has become a bit awkward lately. My writing feels too indulgent.
I mean, I seem to like to blog about nothing! Fleeting thoughts, lingering emotions…those little nothings that swirl around – and not even always in coherent order. It embarrasses me that I actually do enjoy sending my thoughts off into the cyber world.
It feels frivolous – a bit like how art and tea parties would seem frivolous to the impoverished whose quests for survival consume their entire existence.
But lately art and tea parties have been slowly vanishing from my world. I don’t know how to enjoy them anymore.
I found myself commenting the other day: friends can become strangers. I feel it – being out-of-step with people. They seem a world away, or, I must’ve unknowingly left their world. At times, I seem to fit nowhere. Estranged.