My mum sent me an email after reading my previous post:

Hey I just read your blog (my writing again). Why does your heart ache? Are u still haunted by the hurts in the past? You got to rejoice!!! Honestly I rejoice seeing my children growing up. You may not be here but thanks to technology that you can still be part of us in the celebration. It’s new year- put on the new man & be renewed in your mind & rejoice for what God has done.
Can u put up a video recording wishing  all the kong2 & po2s & perhaps uncles & aunties whom u r going to receive Ang pau from?  I m sure they will be exhilarated.
Make the best of technologies & be part of us. Hey wear your new clothes!!
Love u & happy CNY!!!!!

FaceTime with everyone at home.Indeed, rejoicing is not a habit I have cultivated.

It’s almost as if I prefer meditating on loss and pain, and if not then being anxious and goal-driven!

I mourn over not going home to Malaysia after graduation—something I badly wanted to do, bitter at what people are thinking yet refusing to acknowledge the open door I have here. I have not walked boldly and in faith.

But I want to learn to sing and rejoice, and to rest in God’s sovereignty. So help me, Jesus…


to celebrate good friends, especially those who give me flowers!

to give thanks that ALL my needs are met in You.

to lean upon You: Your direction, provision, and strength.

not to doubt and waver, not to be paralysed by fear.

to grasp Your purpose and to walk in security and joy!

And I will, because your power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Cor 12:9).