Sometimes I do not know what to do with my honesty, you know.
With my rage.
I get very weary of having to say the right things, at the right time, in the right way. I cannot thrive in a community of plastic walls and proud masks.
I can accept that this is the way the world works.
But I am sick of it. I loathe it.
How did we become like that? My assessment of us is that we have become very, very poor at doing friendships.
I feel like there is already so much wrestling I have to do in this world, that surely, surely, God, I must not need to spend such enormous energy wrestling with a thing so petty such as how best to present myself…to a friend?
I look, I look, I look for people who can engage honestly, deeply, meaningfully. I settle for less, I refuse to settle, I try, I get disappointed and disgusted with the superficiality, I withdraw…
But who? Where?
I am still looking, with half a hope.
Maybe I am difficult, superficial and hypocritical too.
Well but of course, I am. : )