I wake up to birds chirping and the sunlight filtering in, and, God is good.
(My anger is spilling out and all over the place, and misdirected at times, so be patient with my scattered thoughts while I am still trying to identify it in this season.)
I know it to be true – that God is good. As in, there is no way I could think this God is cruel/evil. I celebrate His Word, and inherently, I believe His Law is the blueprint for the best life. The influences in my life enhance that belief of mine.
I re-read my rant and, yes, it is still a pretty accurate picture of my inner turmoil. Nothing I’d edit out.
But there’s something I need to edit in. And that is a whatsapp conversation with my aunt yesterday night, which I think serves as a good balance and captures the spirit of Easter.
Me: I have some serious anger in myself these days. I don’t rly know what to do & I almost am unwilling to trust those ard me bcos I’m disappointed in them. I m still living in d narrative that ppl only want to get something out of me, use my gifts, & can’t show care beyond superficial means and cheap comments. Can’t seem to escape that narrative.
Me: I’m not ready to lay it down b4 god.
Me: I am bitterly angry and burning
Ee: Jesus showed us d example..Only when v follow His way & carry our cross will we b free to live His abundance 🙂
Ee: This Easter is the best time to go to d cross & appropriate His power *weird whatsapp smiley with ten teeth showing*
So this morning, I am looking out and looking up. I am laying aside my introspection and coming back to the Deliverer.
May your celebration of Easter be beautiful, joyful, hopeful.