oh kay…i am back to my melancholic ways (:.
i can be inclined to find life very…
gone before the full stop is dotted.
also wearisome and difficult. i can feel like that sitting in my chair, sometimes. a sense of just wanting to burst into tears and be held tightly and…i don’t know. just such a child. looking for respite.
i am frightened (but also courageous. i hate that i almost have to state this obvious disclaimer to stave off unwelcome responses).
unsure what to do.
frightened and unsure are the two words i would describe myself with, really. lots of searching questions.
i wish there were more people I trust. certainly not anybody and everybody.
i am watching with hawks’ eyes every day, scanning the sea of faces. unfortunately or otherwise people fail my trust test quite often.
i like rereading my writings and old emails. in half of them I find myself presumptuous and foolishly exuberant in an innocent, unaware sort of way. in some I find myself trying too hard. i cringe but try not to press delete.
there are some things I’ve written, however…I reread and think gosh. that’s really me. I haven’t changed at all, in essence. I am still the same jasmine.
i kinda like that person and I never want to forget being that person. something sweet and almost kind.
who will remind me?