I happened to spend a bit longer than usual thinking about Robert Nobel today, as I was giving thanks for different people. (Being thankful makes one rich $$$$$$.)

This post is for Robert Nobel. It is long and if you are not Robert Nobel, it may bore you.

This is he, with his beloved office plant (which I forced him to nurture back to life from two drooping leaves!).

 

Rob says unbelievably insulting things to me. His favourite activity is to poke fun at the food I eat: how I stink up the microwave, how he doesn’t understand how anyone can eat such yucky stuff, etc etc. New comment with new twist every day.

Of course, every time I get my payslip I get another set of insults: how he doesn’t believe I get paid so much to do nothing, how I do no work but “play Facebook everyday”, how I get paid to come in and eat at my desk all day…

My favourite insult is the one about the true reason Australia is surrounded by water. The answer? To keep people like me out.

I warned Rob after he repeated the joke that I have been carefully documenting his insults. I threatened to lodge an anti-discrimination complaint one day.

He simply rolled his eyes and said, “I’m the manager, so you’ll be making a complaint about me, to me.” (:

One Friday, the office girls had planned to go out for dinner. The entire week, I rubbed it in Rob’s face, making sure he understood he had not been invited (I always make it a point to tell him how excluded he is).

That Friday evening, I had 9 miscalls from Rob on my mobile phone – nine! (Rob never calls me outside office hours). I could not believe it. I rang the unknown number back, thinking it must be something urgent – and who do you have but Rob on the other end pretending that he had come along to our dinner and that he could not find us. He kept up the charade for awhile too! Nine miscalls!

2012-10-09 15.59.282012-10-09 15.56.322012-10-10 09.05.01   2012-10-26 08.33.572012-11-06 10.24.022012-09-27 07.56.53

From left (top, bottom):

Rob drew an instructional picture for me saying I should sleep at home not at the office;

Rob got annoyed that I had been putting vases of dried flowers around (his notes say “THESE ARE DEAD” and “don’t mix with live plant on the counter”);

Rob brought in dried leaves for me the next day, saying “aren’t you into dead things?”;

Rob with another one of his many silly post-it notes (he once stuck one outside my office which said “through to alive and ugly”;

Rob stuck an old poster of Jesus outside my office door, warned me to be good “because Jesus is watching” and slammed the door shut. =.= (Poster is now in the bin.)

Finally, you have my one and only act of mischief, which I left on Rob’s desk one morning.

 

Maybe all the above is yet again sad commentary on my life (or lack thereof). Well, it is what it is.

A few days ago I walked into Rob’s office and showed off my yellow toe nails. He looked at me and said, “Why didn’t you do the whole lot and bring in the butterflies, little girl?”

I hear my father has arranged for Rob to be my adopted father in his absence, or so Rob tells me.

 

2012-11-01 13.42.44When I finished thinking of Rob today, my face was streaked with tears.

It has seemed like you’ve given me little pockets of time to enjoy the parts of childhood I missed.

Thank you so much.

I could go on forever, but suffice to say that I am an observant person and that there are many good things you have taught me – more than you know.

 

(I shall be rather disappointed if Rob eventually asks me to unpublish this post. I hope he doesn’t. Actually I secretly think he might feel quite proud that I’ve written about him. I bet he will be showing this off to Wendy and his kids.)

p/s: I just remembered: he used to tell me he was the devil, because the devil came to rob, kill and destroy.